interracial issues

[hulkynours]

Hi peoples...

I am written that cuz my ressources are out... tried to talk to my fiance about it but she is beeing selfish

p.s. this will be a long story

First... I am canadian, she is haitian.

Second, her parents have an issue about my color... old mentality and fanatic protestants...
Third, she has an old mentality too...
Forth, I am on my own since I am 17 years old.

Ok now the story: We are getting married in a month, and her mom is helping to pay her dress and the cake, witch is good if we know she has not a well payed job. Her father since the organisation of his dauther's wedding had both a duplex and a jeep without giving us a penny... he payed for the new york familly cover for the reception room askin us to pay him back the 4000$ that he payed. She want to pay him to shut him up. And my parents are in the poor class. I am not, I worked myself the chain... but i am not done yet... and she always makes me remember that day dont pay shit even tho i tell her it hurts me everytime she brings it up...

She sais its a white people thing, and always bring up that my parents are this and that and they threw me out of the house ... but she was the first one to ask me to get close to them... That is why we always say... dont put your head where u dont know... and to please her I did... now she understand why i did not want. And her parents treated me like shit... saying i was inferior compare to haitian... saying she was a whore because no black men wanted her that is why she took a white man... (we are not one of those couples that get together to have mixed kids... I speak creole since 14 years and love haitian culture...) and she is born here. Anyhow, everytime they got mean because it is very important for her i try to give luv unstead of hittin back... for exemple... last fight was about the invitations for the wedding... the father had a list of 307 people i dont even know to get invited to the wedding... and asked me not to put a dj so we can have more room to put table on the dance floor... I laugh and told him there will be dancing... and he yelled at me... and after i was explaining him that it is true that its his first daughter but cant we go in between with an agreement?... and when i was speaking to him he was ignoring me...
After I got mad and left and told my fiance I will not come back to her house untill the wedding... After that, she told me to come... and 3 times I told her no. And after that I saw it was hurting her feelings... so I came... and talked again to her parents without mentionning the incident of the l;ast time I saw them... And today I even did some job in the house for the mother...

Am I doing too much for her parents and askin too much of her to respect my parents more? Is it my fault that my parents have different mentality? Does it matter this much if they never helped me b4 and they are not helpin me now?

Yes it's my wedding... but why should they help now if they never did b4?

Holla back with what you think

I am sorry for such a long story :chill:

[beautiful_dyme]

honestly,it's UR wedding,not them.just because it's youre fiance's parents,they do not have to be disrespectful.if they arn't feeling you're ideas then screw them.you're fiane has to start acting like a woman and standing up to her parents;how could they call her a whore and say that she's weak because she's with you?that's mad disrespectful,and personally even if my parents had a problem with my man i would stay strong and work something out.

[Luda167]

^ well said.

[newembee]

I think that it has to be a 50/50 thing...if she expects you to respect her parents(knowing how disrespectfull they are to you) she should do the same. Its only natural that yall parents mentality is different cause yall come from two whole different cultures...and I think you should let ya parents help you cause even though they aint always been there for you they did birth you...and by the way its great that yall a mixed couple and gonna have mixed kids. My mama is an white irish woman and my father is african-american...

[hulkynours]

thks newembee

btw its not my choice... my parents wont pay a penny... and that is a shame... and that is why my fiance is buggin me and tellin me her parents are better cuz her mom payed for a few stuff witch i give her credit for...

[newembee]

no problem...
for real your fiance needs to be more understanding that not everyone parents are the same...and yall are about to become one so she shouldn't mind if her parents contribute more...cause it aint really about that..its about yall special day u kno...

[hulkynours]

I feel you on that... she will learn with time tho... she was worst b4... she is gettin better and she has a hard time to deal with her feeling always saying stuff that hurts without thinking... but it got better... not yet perfect but hey who is:P

[yOuRz_TrUlY922]

honestly,it's UR wedding,not them.just because it's youre fiance's parents,they do not have to be disrespectful.if they arn't feeling you're ideas then screw them.you're fiane has to start acting like a woman and standing up to her parents;how could they call her a whore and say that she's weak because she's with you?that's mad disrespectful,and personally even if my parents had a problem with my man i would stay strong and work something out.


nicely put

[viciuzurban]

shit sounds like romeo and juliet...interracial marriages are always a difficulty


i totally understand what you're going through dawg cos a clash of cultures is obviously gonna cause alot of headaches. in certain cultures a bride's family usually takes care of the wedding i.e. costs of the hall, food, inivitaitons etc. the grooms side mainly takes care of the reception. this can cause alot of instability and drive both families insane. i even been to a wedding where they only served meat because the bride's side apparently assumed that having vegetables was a sign that you're poor and not classy enough.

do you have any relatives taht can help out at all. like ask them and ask to pay them back when you can. most grooms consent to whatever the bride wants only because he wants the best for her and the wedding in general. if your girl cant see taht iunno. you need to tell her that its give and take. she takes care of this and you take care of that. but because of your financial limits your resources are limited. shit be better if yo girl handled this and you handled other aspects of the wedding. shits sad when your family dont want to help out cos more hands get shit done waay quicker. if you truly love this girl shed needs to understand that although you cant provide everything for her you can provide for her in other ways. and if she is so damn into materialistic shit it might not be that you two were meant to be together. weddings open up alot of wounds. stay true to yourself and your girl. make her happy but soemtimes iunno. shits hard.

my only other option is to go to vegas and get married or have a smaller wedding with max 50-100 people...cost bout 5 G's.....359 is ridiculous spesh. when you two are gettin hiteched young. i suggest go for something small, even have the wedding at your place. nothing too overtop. and then when you two are in a financially better space you can have another wedding--the one you dreamt of. who the fuck said you coudlnt have another wedding? most people do. anniversaries are like

weddings fuck up relations between the two households, cause alot of fights and arguments and shit doesnt work out until the bride and groom are married and everyone is crying. but ultimately in the end you wake up with her by your side and say that it was all worth it. that because you both went through that whole shit you two are much more stronger. if you love this girl but is young dont go with the extravsagant wedding just yet. wait a few years and then have that special wedding. keep the numbers low cos i fucking hate guests that show up and expect to get a seat when they fucking know they werent invited. so yo stick to a smaller budget, something small. but first you need to find out whether your girl is for real. cos if not the whole thing is a shame and a waste of time.

[hulkynours]

Thanks for the words... you are soo right!!!

After the wedding... fiesta!!!

hehe...

thank you very much for the words...

this is an image there... a thousand words:)